Alarm

E1

A year after being left at the altar, Alf is still living – and bickering – with Camille, particularly over her leeching friend Michael. Alf's patience hits a new low when a car alarm outside the house goes off, so he decides to teach the driver a lesson.

Wheelchair

E2

Alf decides to become one of Mrs. Thatcher's entrepreneurs. He enlists Michael's support in a car parking scheme on match day and starts a paper round.

Lesbian

E3

After holding forth on moral issues, Alf goes to the pub where the big news is that Mr. Johnson's wife has left him for her lesbian lover. To make matters worse, she intends to move her into the marital home. Alf, of course, blames the French for introducing permissiveness into the country and ends up threatened by Mrs. Johnson for his pains.

Bad Leg

E4

Alf is worried about Camille's bad leg, not out of any tender feelings, rather that her leg prevents her cooking and cleaning for him.

Wardrobe

E5

Camille forces Alf to move her wardrobe, but he discovers a compartment containing a briefcase full of banknotes.

Money

E6

Now wealthy, Alf sees life in a new way. The bank manager is curious as to how Alf acquired his money. Alf enters a private hospital to spend his money before he dies.

Snooker

E7

Alf enjoys his newfound wealth and indulges in some of his hobbies: eating, drinking and looking after himself! In between, he tries to resist Min's amorous advances and foil the suspicious bank manager.